over this past few days i can’t explain how horrible i feel. i feel absolutely horrible. this time of waiting is absolutely grueling. i’m a repugnant and selfish person. i should never of done it. i take full responsibility for my actions. i did cheat. i hate that not only did i put her in an awkward position but mrs. mattiello. Mrs. Mattiello somebody i really care about, and now she has to evaluate her relationship with me. And for her because i used her helping me out to my advantage. i took advantage of her, something i shouldn’t of done. i don’t know why i keep doing these things. i want to hurt myself for hurting her and my teachers. i am so fucking stupid. i’m an idiot and a waste of human space. i should never have done it. i don’t know why i keep doing these things to people.
And now i have to tell my parents. i have to tell my parents that i cheated. they will never forgive me. i was doing so well in my life and then i had to go around and hurt not only my friends but now i have hurt my parents. people who have done everything for me over the past month after my surgery. they’ve been there for me so much and now they are never going to trust me again. things were going great with them and now once again i wreck another relationship. i’m wrecking all my relationships with people. i deserve everything that the teacher throws at me and more. i can’t apologize enough for what i’ve done. but i have to deal with the consequences of my actions. i don’t deserve any of my friendships. i really don’t. all my friends should just leave me alone and pretend that i don’t exist anymore. really please. leave me alone i’m a horrible person.